Technical Incompetence & Insecurities

Hello everyone,

First of all, I’d like to apologise that I didn’t post anything yesterday. As you might have noticed, for a couple of past months, I’ve  developed a habit of posting consistently every Monday. Now it makes me somewhat disappointed that I didn’t stick to my schedule.

I filmed a video about my makeup routine for my YouTube channel. Then, I wrote a corresponding post for this blog. And then, everything went to shit. I spent three hours importing the video from my new camera to my PC, and from my PC to my iPhone, because I edit my videos in iMovie. Unfortunately, I don’t have a Mac so I have to do it on my phone. And yes, I’m aware of the decent free movie editors that are compatible with Windows, but I didn’t really have time to look into it and I’m not sure my laptop could handle it anymore because it’s quite ancient at this point. When I finally got the footage to my phone, I noticed that I accidentally filmed the entire thing in the size 4:3 instead of the desired 16:4.

Despite my technical incompetence, This wasn’t the main reason why I decided not to upload it. In fact, I wasn’t going to write this post either. But since it’s the World Mental Health Day I want to post this and, you know, get more personal with you, to be more human and not just a random girl in front of a computer screen.

You see, I’ve been dealing with insecurities all my life. It started with being too skinny and my undereye circles when I was about ten. I still have the bags under my eyes because I just can’t sleep like a normal individual. I either can’t sleep at all or wake up a billion times during the night. Then, when I was about seventeen, I felt too plump, even though I wasn’t. My childish body just underwent a transition to a woman’s body. And well, I haven’t really reconciled with the fact that I have hips. I’m not implying that I have had an eating disorder because I’ve never been diagnosed with one, even though I don’t have a healthy relationship with food. But I’m dealing with some health issues that tend to be the result of undernourishment. My food diaries are my attempt to, you know, gain the normal relationship with food, and not see it as an enemy.

Long story short, when I saw my face in the video, I was horrified. My face looked completely different. I mean, in the past year I finally started to learn to accept my body, including my face. And to be honest, I pretty much like my face. Well, except the eyebags. But when I saw myself on the screen, my face looked shockingly asymmetrical. I never noticed that one of my eyes is larger than the other and that one of my cheeks is somewhat slimmer than the other. When I smile, my upper lip just disappears. And the eyebags were even worse than in real life. I’m awfully critical to myself and I guess I just let it consume myself because it made me pretty anxious for the rest of the day.

I don’t really know what’s the point of this blog post. I just want to put it out there. I will try and film the video again, this time from a better angle and perhaps attempt to accept that this is what my face looks like. After all, we all have insecurities.

Well, I guess that’s it for today’s post and I’m looking forward to seeing you next week.

xoxo, S. V.

What I Eat in a Day #2

Hello everyone,

I realised that I haven’t done a What I Eat in a Day post in quite some time and so here you are! Today’s food diary is from a day when I’m not staying at home all day and therefore I don’t really have much time to spend cooking.

Breakfast

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Okay, I know I just said I didn’t have enough time to cook, but I love having some eggs for breakfast. And by the way, this takes maximum ten minutes so it won’t take too much time from your morning. As you can probably tell, I broke my fast with scrambled eggs that morning. Well, that’s probably the only preparation I’m sure of when it comes to eggs. I was frying them with some tomato. You see, I pretty much resent any kind of cooked vegetables except tomatoes. I could eat cooked or fried tomatoes all day long. When the eggs and the tomato were fried enough, I added some feta cheese, then I cut some cucumber and finished everything with a spoonful of hummus, because yes, I serve hummus with everything. And yeah, before I move on to my lunch, I couldn’t skip my morning green tea with my breakfast. I had my favourite one, which is the jasmine infusion from M&S.

Lunch

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For lunch, I picked my favourite take away salad from Whole Foods, which is pretty much my go-to place to eat on the go. The salad is full of leafy greens, such as spinach. Sorry, I don’t know the others, but anyway, there are pecan nuts in it, dried cranberries and my latest obsession, goats cheese. Oh, my god, you guys, I never thought I would like goats cheese. I’m quite a picky eater, there are loads of foods out there that I just won’t eat and I supposed that goats cheese would be one of them because I heard mixed opinions about the taste of it and therefore, I didn’t dare to try it myself. But then one day, I bought this particular salad with goats cheese, and I just can’t get enough of it.

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Well, and then, of course, I had to sneak in something sweet because the dried cranberries just were not enough, so I decided to buy this Nakd bar. Usually, I would go for the Cocoa Orange, because it’s simply my favourite but since this Lemon Drizzle one has been made, I always buy this particular one. Shame it’s only a limited edition.

Dinner

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As I said, I didn’t have much time to cook anything. Let’s be honest, most of the time I can’t be bothered to cook anything anyway, so I had just some toasts for dinner. I spread some avocado on them and added mozzarella cheese. Simple but tasty. I know a lot of people prefer to have a nice warm dinner but I’m pretty happy a cold one. Who has time to cook, right?

Okay, so that’s everything for today. I hope you enjoyed this peek into my diet and I’m looking forward to seeing you next week! Don’t forget to check my YouTube channel as well.

xoxo, S. V.