Technical Incompetence & Insecurities

Hello everyone,

First of all, I’d like to apologise that I didn’t post anything yesterday. As you might have noticed, for a couple of past months, I’ve  developed a habit of posting consistently every Monday. Now it makes me somewhat disappointed that I didn’t stick to my schedule.

I filmed a video about my makeup routine for my YouTube channel. Then, I wrote a corresponding post for this blog. And then, everything went to shit. I spent three hours importing the video from my new camera to my PC, and from my PC to my iPhone, because I edit my videos in iMovie. Unfortunately, I don’t have a Mac so I have to do it on my phone. And yes, I’m aware of the decent free movie editors that are compatible with Windows, but I didn’t really have time to look into it and I’m not sure my laptop could handle it anymore because it’s quite ancient at this point. When I finally got the footage to my phone, I noticed that I accidentally filmed the entire thing in the size 4:3 instead of the desired 16:4.

Despite my technical incompetence, This wasn’t the main reason why I decided not to upload it. In fact, I wasn’t going to write this post either. But since it’s the World Mental Health Day I want to post this and, you know, get more personal with you, to be more human and not just a random girl in front of a computer screen.

You see, I’ve been dealing with insecurities all my life. It started with being too skinny and my undereye circles when I was about ten. I still have the bags under my eyes because I just can’t sleep like a normal individual. I either can’t sleep at all or wake up a billion times during the night. Then, when I was about seventeen, I felt too plump, even though I wasn’t. My childish body just underwent a transition to a woman’s body. And well, I haven’t really reconciled with the fact that I have hips. I’m not implying that I have had an eating disorder because I’ve never been diagnosed with one, even though I don’t have a healthy relationship with food. But I’m dealing with some health issues that tend to be the result of undernourishment. My food diaries are my attempt to, you know, gain the normal relationship with food, and not see it as an enemy.

Long story short, when I saw my face in the video, I was horrified. My face looked completely different. I mean, in the past year I finally started to learn to accept my body, including my face. And to be honest, I pretty much like my face. Well, except the eyebags. But when I saw myself on the screen, my face looked shockingly asymmetrical. I never noticed that one of my eyes is larger than the other and that one of my cheeks is somewhat slimmer than the other. When I smile, my upper lip just disappears. And the eyebags were even worse than in real life. I’m awfully critical to myself and I guess I just let it consume myself because it made me pretty anxious for the rest of the day.

I don’t really know what’s the point of this blog post. I just want to put it out there. I will try and film the video again, this time from a better angle and perhaps attempt to accept that this is what my face looks like. After all, we all have insecurities.

Well, I guess that’s it for today’s post and I’m looking forward to seeing you next week.

xoxo, S. V.

Writer’s block

I was sitting in my Academic English class (class for non-native English speakers) the other day, and our teacher asked, what was the writer’s block. Of approximately twenty people (none of them studying English) I was the only one who knew the answer. Initially, I had planned to write Monthly favourites blog post, but I do not have many favourites for October, so I thought I would show you what it feels like to have the writer’s block.

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What the heck are words? I had a great scene in front of my eyes yesterday when I was trying to fall asleep, so right now I am just sitting here and staring at my computer. As my creative writing teacher says, “The rule number one is to give yourself permission to write rubbish.” The second rule sounds somehow like this, “Don’t think about what you’re writing you just have to vomit your ideas on your screen/paper. Only that way you can fully express your emotions.” Quite frankly, it seems my previous inspiration, which I’ve been fed yesterday has already been digested from my stomach, so I’ve got nothing to throw up, at the moment. Next time, when the muse kisses me at night, I’ll get up and write it down instantly.
Maybe if I hit the keyboard with my head, something meaningful will come out. jaehfgvbopgbv jdffhgaigrgbdbbfkjhgdbnfhugHRGVNJB JFKJGHAFGA ghajbvdaughbfDGHfkjbFaoIHJOERH. See? This makes much more sense than what I’ve written so far.

xoxo, S. V.

Is having children selfish?

Hello,

Today I will be writing about quite controversial/unpopular opinion topic, which is having children. Personally, I do not want to have them, and this statement mostly startles the people who are asking me.

Usually, people ask themselves whether is NOT having children selfish. The fact that I do not want to have children does not mean I do not want to become a parent one day. For someone, it might seem the same, but for me, it is not.
There are 7 billion of people in the world, and this number is increasing, and is beyond the capacity of this planet, by the way. And that means, among other things, hunger and a lot of people without homes. Indeed, this is one of the reasons because I do not want to contribute to this global issue.

The second reason is related to the previous one. There are a lot of children without families, so if I ever decide to become a parent, I will adopt a child. And yes, besides biological reasons, these are a few of my main arguments. I am not saying that having children is particularly selfish, but from this point of view, it is.
I am certainly not telling that other people should follow my example. It is just my personal decision, and arguments I find appropriate.

xoxo, S. V.

Atheism – a kind of religion?

Hello,

This is the very first attempt to express my kind of philosophical self. Please, do not get offended by my writing style or opinions and enjoy, if possible. 😉

According to statistics one-third of the world population are atheists. Me, as someone who hails from the most atheistic country in Europe, find this topic rather interesting. About 50% of citizens in the Czech Republic claim to be not religious, but instead of God, a significant part of them still believes in something beyond our world, myself included. The main difference is I call it The Universe because I was not brought up in the faith of God, therefore I find myself incompetent to call it that way.

While doing my minor research for this post I was quite surprised by the number of types of atheism. In the broadest sense, it means the absence of belief in deities and as far as I am concerned none of them admits that kind of faith (or philosophy, if you want) I described. Although, this all denies the headline of this post, for me atheism is kind of personal religion, or even better in this case – philosophy, only without any sacred texts and mythological figures. I mean, there must be something that influences our world from above, right?

xoxo, S. V.

Things you have been told all your life

There is a couple of sort of cliché sentences you ignored or just never took seriously. If it is your case then you should rethink your attitude to the thing. I will repeat them for you and hope you will take it to your heart.

First of all remember that you are beautiful the way you are therefore you should never compare yourself with others because every single one of us is unique and that is exactly what makes us beautiful.

The second thing is it is okay to be yourself, just do what you want to do because it is not your concern what others think of you, life is too short to be boring.

And finally, you are just a human so take it easy.